I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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