hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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