On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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