Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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