Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize