He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
