Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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