Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
