you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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