why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
