it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Randomize
