he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
