i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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