just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
