I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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