If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
