If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
