Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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