One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
