we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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