There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
