What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
