hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just puked most of my soul out..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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