he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
