i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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