I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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