oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize