So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The beer is more important than you right now.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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