Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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