Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
