somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
