I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
