if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
