I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
