why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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