I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize