I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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