just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
