please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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