Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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