I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Houston, we have a blender
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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