You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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