I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
