Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize