Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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