remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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