so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
