He felt like a one man threesome
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
