Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
