im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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