Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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