I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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