Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
