My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
