We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
