coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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