R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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