I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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