I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
