I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
