My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
