i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
