If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
