and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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