giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
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