you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
